Part one of a tale of pirates, parrots, ports, and profits — Port Royal was a quiet place to be a harbour guard. The Governor was a lazy layabout who was happy to let the local pirates have the run of the waterfront. He didn’t care if the patrols went out late or not at all. …

The high-fun story of the monochrome plantigrade who bamboozled the cops — Panda sits at a bar in Westward Ho!, quietly munching on a filling stalk of Phyllostachys. He’s almost down to the last leaf. Bartender and patrons eye one another nervously. They know what’s coming next. Panda doesn’t seem to be packing, though. There’s nothing but a bamboo cane propped against…

A city can only carry the torch of musical creativity for so long — Echo and the Bunnymen are coming to town tomorrow night. A real blast from my past. Unfortunately I will miss the chance to see them live, just like I did thirty-odd years ago. This time it’s down to a combination of shedloads of work, teenage kids to ferry to their…

I wish I never saw the sunshine, ’cause if I never saw the sunshine, baby, then maybe I wouldn’t mind the rain — First things first: just kidding, lovely editors who nommed me. I really am grateful. It’s always great to see our writing appreciated, and distributed to a wider readership. That’s why we’re here. And I will be doing my best to repay your trust by continuing to submit quality articles to…

We, the citizens of the Shire, withdraw our goodwill (and recreational drugs) — Dear Days of Stuff Scheduling Council, We, the undersigned Hobbits, wish to inform you that we are NOT HAPPY! We have consulted the revised calendar of celebratory festivities, and note that several of the points we agreed upon after our valiant representatives saved the whole of your precious Middle Earth…

A story of animals and trust — This is the second in a series of stories that I wrote a while ago and am now dusting off and editing to share with anyone who might have an interest, or who knows a younger reader who might. The first of them is here. They’re largely standalone tales but…

The previously undiscovered ‘bottle of rum’ edition and accompanying correspondence — My dearest Ezra, Thank you for you kind offer to help place my poem with a publisher. I really did think after the runaway success of The Sea Shanty of Coffee-spoons Prufrock, it would prove unnecessary to resort to such gimmicks. …

Who says AI can’t think creatively? — “Look,” says Dr Tengist, “do you really think this is going to work?” “That’s what we designed it for, right?” shrugs Dr Rennwal in reply. “But is it ready?” “Ready as it’ll ever be, I guess. There simply is no more data to train it on. It knows everything any…

Why Katrina and the Waves’ feelgood pop song meant so much to this moody teenage Goth — The summer of 1989. I’ve just turned 18 and finished school. In three months I’ll be heading off to university. Some of my peers go interrailing round Europe, others sling a backpack on their shoulders and head off to Australia or Thailand. Me? I get a job in a knitting…