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Cognitive Idiossonance #2

God’s honest truth

Matthew Clapham
3 min readJan 28, 2025
A stack of eggs in cardboard trays
Fort Knox (Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash)

Look, I’m a businessman. Probably the greatest businessman that ever lived. Better even than those money-changers in the bible and stuff, and they were God’s businessmen, right? So that makes me technically better than God.

By the way, does anyone want to buy a bible? I’ve got a bunch of them here. Real fancy gold cover.

Anyway, I know about prices — supply and demand, all that crap. The art of the deal, I call it. By the way, do you want to buy a book? I’ll make you a special offer. One for the price of two.

So everyone’s complaining about eggs, right?

One word: Supply. And. Demand. Too many people buying eggs, not enough eggs pooping out of chickens’ backsides, price goes up.

So who’s eating all the eggs all of a sudden? It used to be fine when I was president, then that Joe Biden steals the election, and from one day to the next, the price of eggs goes sky high.

Why? Mexicans. What do those Mexicans eat? Way-voss ran-cheeros. That’s all they eat, morning noon and night. It’s because of the cocaine they say — gives ’em these terrible egg munchies.

Because that’s what’s in those way-voss ran-cheeros, you know? Eggs. Your eggs. American eggs. They call them way-voss to try to trick you —…

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Matthew Clapham
Matthew Clapham

Written by Matthew Clapham

Professional translator by day. Writer of silly and serious stuff by night. Also by day, when I get fed up of tedious translations. Founder of Iberospherical.

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