I suspect that if Tom Cruise were ever in a position in which his own death-defying stunt skills and and faith in L. Ron Hubbard had abandoned him to the extent that he required the assistance of another to protect his life, he would instead opt to pick up the katana and go full seppuku in head-bowed shame, thus saving you the trouble.

In the case of Keanu, do also bear in mind that he is well aware that relationships that start under intense circumstances never last.